Elucidation of Popular Culture

In accordance with federal legislation prohibiting discrimination, after a lengthy & expensive legal battle to prevent me from contributing a monthly column presenting views contrary to all antiMusic represents, I am pleased to announce the launch of your new favorite feature on antiMusic: a lone voice of sanity in the insanity that's antiMusic, the place where you can come for reliable advice on what to think, the Veridical Polemic a.k.a. "I'm Always Right" column with Dolly Doppelganger! Read my words and obey them if you want to be right all the time, just like me!

The Rich Do Everything Better Than Me, Part 1 (I hope)

Warrant: Not Really Wanted Dead or Alive

Headhunter Dolly

Hetty Green Award 2006

Out to Lunch

A Moment of Silence for Jessie & Nick

Sharon's Kampf

McBling

Royal Crock

J.Lo's Sinister Plan

Crisis in Hollywood!
Dolly uncovers a conspiracy in Hollywood.

Big Macs & Tampax
(Let's Rap About Crap!)

Hit & Dumb
Paula Abdul Stalker Needs to be Arrested for Setting Up Car Crash! (And no, the right question isn't "who would stalk her anyway?")

Redefining "PETA"

Bonus VP: Making Money the New Fashioned Way

Shakespeare's STD

It's No One's Fault, Especially Mine!

Hetty Green Award Goes To ...

MYOB!! Killing MY Kids is MY Business! (Paging Eddie Vedder)

Brad & Jen, Oh No!

Life is Too Confusing, it Needs to be Simplified

The Relentless, Creeping Insidiousness of Originality: The Remedy is in Imitationism

Dolly Doppelganger story
By Dolly Doppelganger

I am writing my own story, so I guess I won't have anyone to sue if I mess it up or fabricate parts of it. Maybe someone else should write it for me. I'll send out queries & wait a few weeks.

Well, I'm back. Vanilla Ice said he was too busy with his Live 8 tour & Ashlee Simpson's drummer is too busy answering congratulatory emails to bother responding to mine, so I guess that means I have to write this! Boy, where to start? I'm so nervous; does my font look all right?

Let me think.

Well, that didn't take long, but I still don't know what to say!! I feel like you all already know me so well, and welcome me into your home week after week, whenever you leave your windows or doors unlocked, what's left to tell? How about if I tell you about the dramatic shark attack that changed my life & made me a better person? Unfortunately, no such thing ever happened to me, and as a result, I still suck. Similarly, I don't know how to hang wallpaper so there are no bubbles, and I've never named any of my animals Bubbles, either.

Well, direct all suggestions or comments to my email; it'd be nice to get something in there besides viruses and newsletters I don't read.

The end of part 1. Parts 2-97, my childhood are sure to follow as soon as I finish my doctoral thesis on the Unique Fabulousness of the Riemann Mapping Theorem!