Elucidation of Popular Culture

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Paula Abdul Stalker Needs to be Arrested for Setting Up Car Crash! (And no, the right question isn't "who would stalk her anyway?")

Some guy followed Paula Abdul around, taking pictures of her until she smacked into him accidentally in her terrified distress while changing lanes, then fled without exchanging insurance information. I say good for her! I plan to do the same today on my trip into town to buy a Clifford book! (I'm teaching Brittney Spears how to read, she's doing great, with a lil' help from the Big Red Dog!)

She no doubt was struck dumb with fright at the same guy following her all over town. No wonder she didn't exchange insurance info with him, he'd find out her secret, private insurance policy info then! Imagine how he could further terrorize armed with that!

He could get into more car accidents, claiming her was her husband out for a drive in the butler's junk pile. When he collides with other star struck fans of Paula, he could skillfully turn their fawning over him for being married to someone that's not at all a washed up has been from the 80's, into offers of loans, gifts and free food. That kind of thing happens all the time!

If she had actually pulled over & admitted she crashed right into him like a fifteen year old on a learners permit, he might have called a lawyer & sued her out of her Mercedes. In order to protect the guy from his rampant greed, she was best off driving away from the scene as though she didn't notice herself smashing into Jalopy Joe. "Ooopsie! What was that? Probably the wind, or else just that crazy stalker that wouldn't let me change lanes, serves him right!"

Anyway, giving some poor guy her insurance information would have been an invitation for him to take advantage of her. Imagine the power he'd have as he strolled into the swankiest hotels in town, plunking down the crumpled piece of paper containing her name & policy number & say, "bill your finest suite to my wife's insurance company", defrauding both the hotels and the insurance company out of thousands. He could amble into any electronics store and pull the same scam- after he buys a pick up truck the same way so he wouldn't have to get the loot delivered by the store. She did exactly the right thing by keeping that ammo to herself, and future car accident causers might take note of the new protocol in this high tech day & age on how to deal with car accidents & protect your identity.

What threatened to make this crime worse was the potential for the theft of identity of some poor harassed stalking victim, as though her being chased down the freeway by him so closely that she couldn't even leave her lane without hitting him wasn't enough of an ordeal!

I hope she continues to defy the law, keeping her private info private! Show that stalker it's not that you think that laws are for little people, it's just that you suffer delusions of celebrity & all the side effects, like trivial news stories about boring & boorish events in your life making it into the press, photogs chasing you, and worst of all, fans hounding you at your every turn. Send a message to potential stalkers everywhere: Better not get into a crash with someone rich & famous, or you'll be left poorer than when you started!

breaking news update!!

Since we all have been so concerned for Paula's safety over this entire stalking episode, I am pleased to report that she skillfully hid behind her attorney, so she didn't even have to face her security threat in court! She probably was at home hiding under her bed in terror & composing an ad seeking a chauffeur.

And what a kind, forgiving girl she is, to have instructed her lawyer not to mention the stalking & harassment! (Be careful, Paula! I know you just want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he is a dangerous stalker, after all!)

But now because of her kindness the poor girl has to pay the stalker! Oh, well, at least she didn't have to suffer the indignity of doing jail time! We should all send the judge a 'thank you' letter for dishing out more celeb justice. I think I should move to California & become a judge, handing out marshmallow puffy 'sentences' & getting to meet attorneys of the rich & famous.

California antiKids, next election write in my name on the judges ballot! If elected I promise to change the face of celeb courtroom run ins so much you won't even recognize it. I'll bring back breaking rocks with a pick axe, redefine 'victimization' and show those judges what celebrity justice is all about.

I'll remind you again closer to election time!

Words of week.

Scofflaw: One who habitually violates the law or fails to answer court summonses

Lickspittle An abject flatterer or parasite.; Paula's judging style on American Idol

Charlatan:A person fraudulently claiming knowledge and skills not possessed.; Paula as a judge of talent.

Supererogatory: Performed or observed beyond the required or expected degree ; Paula's ass kissing on American Idol