Can someone please explain to me what in the hell Emo is all about? Is it an abbreviation for the politically correct term for emotionally inept dorks with sinus infections that like to whine about stupid things?  I may bitch about a lot of things but these Emo dorks take it to a new extreme. I think we need to rename it Whine-O. And who decided that nerds with guitars was a good idea?  Is it the only way these guys can get laid? Did they see a Motley Crue video and say "hey, if those dorks can get women, we can too!" Now I'm discovering there are even subgenres of Whine-O.  Scream-O, Lame-O, and the new craze in Mexico called Stupid-O.  Isn't this just the dork's offshoot of pop-punk? 

Right now a few of you are saying, "relax Slapp, these kids are just playing the music they love and besides they are better than Limp Bizkit". But I can't relax. I just heard some idiot in an interview last week say that The Ramones were the first Emo group. Excuse me? Playing four chords and creating some incredible melodies and memorable songs out of them is not equal to playing the same four chords and whining about not getting laid. You're nerds, you are not supposed to get laid!  I see an Emo video and I think I'm watching 'Revenge of the Nerds' set to suck-O music. The Ramones could be campy as all hell but they were campy on purpose, Emo dorks are just dorks. They can't help it and they are upsetting the balance of nature. Cool kids and stoners turn into rockers. The jocks, jock each other off and become used cars salesmen. Drama dorks move to Frisco or New York to try to become theatre stars (Clay Aiken notwithstanding). Nerds launch multimillion dollar enterprises. They are not supposed to try to be rockstars. It's the tradeoff, cool kids (not trendy kids, they go into pop or middle management nothingness) get laid a lot and nerds get rich the old fashioned way and find a nerd to marry.  It would be one thing if these nerds made good music but they don't. The crap they play has no business anywhere in the rock world.  By giving these nerds a stage we are undermining the grand scheme of things. The next thing you know the nerd that was supposed to discover the cure for cancer instead opted for a 15 minute TRL career and millions will die. While the rocker that was supposed to sell millions and make little is forced to temp at your credit card company and screws up your bill (unless of course your credit card company moved their operations to India).  Ok, I'll calm down now. At least we can count on the jocks still being a**holes and the drama queens still being pretentious. But this Emo stuff has to go before it brings on Armageddon by continuing to rip a hole in the time/space/dork continuum.  So to all of the dorks that buy this crap, consider yourself Slapped. And please stop. Really, the joke wasn't funny. Stop right now. 
 

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