Rap has finally sunk to the very bottom of the ocean of lows- old or new- and not surprisingly where we discover the �King of Cars', hip hop's first used car salesman emcee.  The sum of his image is a literal trash dump of everything that saturates our popular culture- from infomercials to c-rate reality shows to wigger clown wanna-be rappers who couldn't get a deal on the merits of their talent alone, so they use some other media vehicle to con their way in.  Top-tier basketball players like Kobe Bryant and Shaq had attempted the same ploy and fans didn't buy it, so why should this hack get a shot?  

Hip hop's first official SCHMUCK- CHOP, as he's called on the show for the fact that he's well known in the Las Vegas area for cutting used car prices live on his Saturday night infomercial- represents a scary new breed of D-LIST emcee who could prove the ice berg to Hip Hop's titanic domination as a commercial genre in the not-too-distant future if its not careful.  You'll already sink back in your sofa in shock, awe, and genuine disbelief at the sight of this clown's intro-theme song, �King of Cars', where he parades about his used car lot, bragging about how dope his hustle is as a car salesman.  He even has a Blue Genie who bops around behind him as a Flavor Flav-type hype man of sorts.  You wouldn't believe it was any more than a MAD TV parody were it not for the fact that A&E actually gave this joker his own reality TV show!

What are they going to do next- give a Kirby Vacuum sales team their own reality rap show?  Because truly, this guy could have been the guy who managed me when I worked for about a week for Kirby back in College when I went looking for a �quick money' part-time job.  Its that silly, and there is not much difference at the end of the day between the two professions in terms of how ridiculous this notion is that either would lead to rap stardom.  Still, the show attempts to imply just such a correlation, and ole CHOP's sure got his eye on the prize- from the cheesy black top hat circa 1991 Lords of Brooklyn to his homie boppity-bop awkward sways and movements while he walks and talks; to his use of every available piece of hip hop slang he can inject into his car selling pitch and rhetoric; to the plain crap rap freestyles he slips into the show whenever the cameras are on him in a spare moment- where his raps would surely be the equivalent of repellant to any customers on the sales floor at the sound of his HORRIBLY WACK raps.  

I've knocked wiggers like Fred Durst and Paul Wall in this forum before, but this guy actually makes those two look like legitimate emcees.  The worst part is how seriously he takes himself.  He is a VERY good car salesman- that much is obvious by the fact that the show advertises him as the owner of the number one used car dealership in Nevada, and the very fact that he has the first reality show ever about used cars.  Still, in the same time, that fact is undermined from ever being appreciated by the fact he is such a ridiculous character and rapper.  Hopefully he's just acting I thought to myself when I first saw this show, but I was quickly proved wrong by watching the dozens of commission-based employee yes men on Chop's staff who endlessly encourage him to be the best wigger he can be for clear fear of losing their jobs if they don't.  Hopefully, this show will bomb so we never have to hear more than this dick-head's intro rap video �King of Cars.'  He should stick to what he knows, selling cars, and leave the rapping to the many credible, celebrity emcees who he brags about coming into his dealership to buy luxury cars from him over the years.  At least then, we could view him in some respectable light, because as a rapper, he's not the king of anything except the SCHMUCKS!!!
 
 

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About the author: Jake Brown is owner/operator of Nashville-based Versailles Records and a biographer who has published several books. Click here to more details.