Fred Durst is Back Folks: A little balder and a lot bolder with a brand new album flop and another bulls*** claim about an affair the other side can't stop denying!

Here he goes again!!! I never thought I would have a sequel to one of these columns, but this individual just seems to be crying out for one! Fred Durst is back, attempting to pull a play from Tommy Lee's playbook by claiming yet another affair with a blonde bombshell- this time Jessica Simpson- in the hopes that the press will boost sales of a forthcoming Limp Bizkit reunion album with Wes Borland. Given that Limp Bizkit's new album moved only 60,000 copies its first week out, I'd say the band's doing, well... limp business. As for Durst's ludicrous claim, Jessica Simpson has of course denied the claim as "absolutely untrue." Durst for his part has done nothing to deny a gossip column which started the rumor, which of course works only to fuel the speculation- typically. In this case however, when one considers the source, its not hard to see why the rumor holds no truth. It came from the mouth of rock's most obnoxious and annoying frontman since Axl Rose. 

As I have lamented before, lacking any of Rose's charisma or talent, Durst is left with an annoying habit of claiming affairs with actresses and singers, all of whom emphatically deny Durst's claims, and routinely the claims always time with a new album's release. See Fred: here's how the equation works- the "Hey guys, buy my product because I am f***ing the girl you dream of doing yourself" bit ONLY WORKS when its believable. Take Tommy Lee, he had it on video, and it did work to boost his solo career once he left Motley. In Paris Hilton's case- the sex tape similarly worked to help boost the Simple Life ratings around the time of its launch, making her a house hold name. Fred Durst is a house-hold name, but more along the lines of Mr. Yuck, or one of those similar cleaning products used to wash scum out of a tub or toilet. The type with warning signs that you keep away from kids. His music should be the same. I bashed Britney in my last column, but my hat is squarely off to her now, as she seems to be hitting the road after this last reality show bit. I also found out its only 6 episodes, which is a HELL of a lot more tolerable than even one more minute of Fred Durst. 

Another Durst has been in the news in the last few years- Robert Durst, that psychopathic, cross-dressing heir to the Durst Real Estate fortune. I think that these two men have something very important in common: both need to be put somewhere far, far away from broader, free society, where we don't have to deal with them and they don't have to deal with us. Fred Durst did a video in an insane asylum for his last album- where he not surprisingly claimed to be having an affair with Hallie Berry- which she of course denied. My point is, this would be an ideal place for both Dursts'. Fred could have his own cell, where he could scream, yell, rap, attempt to sing, whatever- and no one would have to hear him outside of his ego and whatever voices are ranting around in his head creating the illusion of a listening audience who cares what he has to say. No one does. Maybe once in a while, when Fred raises enough hell, an orderly could even come by and thud Fred on the head with one of those batons. Or they could even give him electro-shock treatment, or a lobotomy. This would not begin to approach the torture Fred Durst has put us all through over the last few years with his sh*tbag band loud, f**king mouth. 

What does this guy honestly have to offer? Really. I am not taking the easy way out here choosing Fred Durst to bang on, but this column is reactionary! Completely and totally. If Fred Durst would go away, I would have not a word to say on the subject. I asked last time out, 'Why won't Fred Durst just go away?' Well, for one, his record label unfortunately is stuck with an obsolete record contract that they signed 6 years ago in the 'Nookie' hey day, that Fred Durst is taking his sweet ass time completing because he knows he's done after that. The best he could perhaps do after Interscope was up would be Sanctuary maybe. Being the marketing genius that he is, Fred has opted to release the first batch of new Limp Bizkit material- featuring a desperate Wes Borland, who never would have otherwise come back to the band- by just sticking it in stores, with no press or promotion, as a sort of 'underground treat' for fans. The problem for Fred is there are NO Limp Bizkit fans underground. There aren't many more above ground for that matter, and again, Durst's ego is getting the best of him. If he had any sense, he would take the humble route, do a ton of press with Wes, remind fans about the one good thing Limp Bizkit had going for it back in the day, and pray that he could move a platinum disc off of that buzz. 

People don't embrace a comeback when they were happy you left. In the case of Fred Durst, it is sad he won't embrace the idea that his relevance has fizzled to less than zero, and just go away! Now, just so people don't think I'm trying to fill empty space here with my rant, I have another, more important point to make on the subject of Fred Durst. It's as follows: this problem will only go away if people act in concert. I think we should start a sort of anti-Fred lobby, write Interscope and demand an end to this outrage and plague upon the record industry. Think of the millions of promotional dollars Interscope will write off this year on the flop the new Limp Bizkit album will surely be, even if it moves a million units, based on Fred Durst's oversized ego concerning his vision for its potential. Think of the dozens of new, bad ass unsigned bands out there that that wasted money could go to signing and breaking. I wouldn't even mind if Fred Durst took credit for discovering a couple, because at least then he would be doing something productive. Something positive. Something progressive. 

Because as a musician, Fred Durst is a tired dog that the industry needs to put to sleep. We can start that long-overdue mercy killing by NOT PURCHASING HIS PRODUCT. It all starts with you the consumer. Please put your money into something more productive: donate it to the Tsunami tragedy, certainly a starving child's hunger pains are more important than padding Fred Durst's already-bloated bank account. Or take the chance and spend the money on a random album by some new rock band you've never heard of. Or even one that has a buzz, like The Killers! Now that is a great album. That is a band that deserves your hard-earned money, not Fred Durst. In closing, I will point out that Fred Durst brought this criticism upon himself, and I will continue to rant, rave, and fight away as a Fred Durst dissenter until his sad, ugly attempt at another rap-rock uprising is crushed forever. 
 
 

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About the author: Jake Brown is owner/operator of Nashville-based Versailles Records and a biographer who has published several books. Click here to more details.