I have just witnessed one of the most disturbing musical natural disasters ahead of its assault and feel its my duty as a music listener- much in the vein of a concerned citizen- to warn everyone I can in advance!  I truthfully thought hip hop had installed a moratorium on Vanilla Ice, but I was evidently wrong�  If you thought Bubba Sparxx was ridiculous, wait till you get a load of the subject of my rant, PAUL WALL!  This guy is cheesier than Wisconsin!  Seriously, he is a parody of everything that is legitimate hip hop culture, and its sad that his own record label doesn't recognize that.  I mean, this dude could be the next Weird Al Yankovich!  He is that silly, and its very hard to take him seriously even when he is rapping, yet he desperately wants you to.  This guy is no Eminem, and its hard to tell from his narratives in-between video shots whether he is a parody or the real thing.    

His song is called �Sideways', and that's exactly how you would cock your head if you saw this joker drive by!  This guy is unbelievable, and I do not mean that in 
This guy seeks to represent Houston, but Scarface and the Ghetto Boys have already accomplished that, and this guy is a disgrace to the legacy and sound that Rap-A-Lot established almost 20 years ago.  I mean truly, this guy is a clown!  All he's missing is a wig and red nose�  He would get his ass kicked in any inner-city �hood' in America, and I honestly hope he does.  It would teach him a lesson, this type of crap is plaguing Suburban America across the country.  If you thought Donnie Wahlberg was silly rapping in the New Kids On the Block's NKOTB attempt at urban credibility, �No More Games', when they bleeped out �DAMN', then this guy will have you in stitches!   On another related topic, this video could have been a commercial for RIMS, I've never seen as many RIMS present designed to distract from the lack of anything else going on than in this video.  The presence of rims in this video makes Lil John look poor, and I thought he was the king of rims. 

"YouknowwhatI'mtalkingbout?' �Itsgoingdown.' �Baby'  All the jargon is here, along with the requisite pants hanging extremely low, the mouth full of FAKE platinum teeth, which PAUL WALL can't seem to stop flashing at the camera.  Its his favorite action, and the part of his ensemble he seems to be most proud of.  Perhaps competitive only with his rims, his many sets of rims on his many cars, or that's at least what he'd have you believe.  Its unlikely PAUL WALL owns any of the cars appearing in his video, nor that any of the women he has his arms around would ever let him talk to them, let alone touch them, if the cameras weren't rolling.  This guy is setting legitimate white emcees back by at LEAST 50 years.  And I haven't even mentioned his rap skills, or massive lack thereof.  What a punk.  I'd love to see this guy survive one week in a real ghetto, especially dressed like he is in the video, and talking with the most ridiculous and phony hood accent you've ever heard.  If you want a true visual of who this dude most directly resembles, its that Kenny dude in the Jennifer Love Hewitt movie �Can't Hardly Wait', where Seth Green turned in one of the most hilarious Wigger-parody performances ever! If you go rent that movie, and then watch Paul Wall's video immediately afterward, you'd honestly think it was an outtake from the film.

In closing, please Please PLEASE do NOT buy this clown's record.  Don't even watch his video.  You can't write your congressmen about it, but maybe call into TRL and request they not play his video.  I hope this guy's record fails miserably so he will go away quickly.  I can't believe some record label actually underwrote the cost of this circus freak show.   We have an obligation as a nation of music listeners not to provide this guy with any help on his way up, only on his way DOWN!  Maybe we can slide him under one of those big Caddys when they are bouncing up, so that when they come back down they will crush his larynx so we'll never have to hear him again.  Or perhaps we could slam PAUL into a WALL head first and just end the misery all together.  This guy is f**king horrible, which is why I have ranted about him for four paragraphs.  He makes Fred Durst sound good, and for me to say that means he REALLY sucks.  PLEASE boycott this f**ker, make it your good deed for Independence Day!  
 

Shameless Plug: �Motley Crue: In the Studio', my newest book featuring interviews with band members Tommy Lee and John Corabi, and all of the band's producers, including Bob Rock, Tom Werman, Scott Humphrey, James Michael, and others, is in stores August 16th!!!  

About the author: Jake Brown is owner/operator of Nashville-based Versailles Records and a biographer who has published several books. Click here to more details.