Why stop with lists of the best music of the past decade? The last ten years have shown us AWESOME, way significant advances in all areas of life! To help you keep track of what to delight in, what you should rush out and buy, and what you should spread out on your floor and roll around in naked, I've assembled the BEST LIST OF ALL THE BEST STUFF IN THE UNIVERSE FOR THE LAST TEN YEARS!!

So as to not offend any of the items on the list, the numbering system I used is entirely random.

T.) Best unsolved crime of the past decade:
So who the heck did kill OJ's ex wife and her boyfriend? Will no one step forward and claim the million dollar reward? Is poor OJ ever going to have peace and closure?!?! SOMEBODY KNOWS SOMETHING!! HELP HIM GET ON WITH HIS LIFE, PLEASE!!!!!!

7658387573209582.) Best salt of the past decade:
Obviously this is a tie between a salt lick block and Epsom salt! (I didn't allow any sheep to vote, or we all know which one those rancid, oily cretins would have flooded the ballot boxes with votes for!!)

Pi.) Best business of the past decade:
Every taxpayer owned bank and car company sweeps this category!! Because of TARP funding, I can stroll into any bank I like and get a free sucker or pen whenever I feel like it, EVEN WITHOUT AN ACCOUNT THERE! And until you've fired a pain in the *ss used car salesmen that smells like he dipped himself into a 55 gallon drum of cologne before work and stalks you like a shark in the ocean when you have your period when all you want to do is make a U-turn in his parking lot, you just don't know the meaning of AWESOME!!!!

%) Best channel of the past decade:
I can't decide between the English Channel and the channel I put on when I want to play Sims or watch a DVD. Once again I had to reject the sheep vote. Those lazy bums tried to steal the election with a landslide of votes for the Soap Opera Channel!

.) Best drink of the past decade:
Ooooh, this is a tough one! I think I need another decade to decide if reclaimed/ recycled pee and toilet water many municipalities are redirecting back into the water supply really beats its unfiltered counterpart. When I have compiled more data from extensive taste testing, I'll update this list!

A) Best day of the last decade:
September 10, 2001. Yup, that was a dandy! Remember it? Airplanes could scream right over your head without you wondering if a) terrorists were on board; and b) if they were gonna take out an office building or a nationally significant monument and lead to thousands of speeches from SOAD and other glittery celebs about how we had it coming, BFD, it's just real estate!

-428) Best planet of the past decade:
Earth!!!! WOOOOO!!! We got our own MOON, take that stupid and inferior Venus!! We got our own WATER SUPPLY!! HA! Sucks to be you, Mars!! We got our own GAS that we can actually USE for cool stuff, too bad Uranus can't figure that one out, HA!! We got our own OZONE layer, unlike lame Saturn!! And it's not going anywhere in spite of all the 98.6 degree CO2 emissions coming from windbag politicians trying to make everything that's fun illegal!! WE ROCK!!!!!

Dog) Best cat of the past decade:
Yeah, right. What an oxymoron that is, huh?!?! That'd be like 'best smelling skunk', or 'dullest porcupine quills' or 'most deserving Nobel prize winner from America' in the last decade!

Cat) Best dog of the past decade:
I pick the dog that was shot into space, then trotted home after the congratulatory ceremony, stopped a bank robbery in progress even though his paws hurt from rescuing a baby from a burning building, shook off the adulation of firemen and cops in order to retrieve the mail for his family, saw he had been sent a credit card from a taxpayer owned bank, and didn't rush right out to Petsmart to max it out buying sexy doggie negligee and booze for his 14 b*tches but instead played happily outside with his human kids until a evil, predatory kidnapper invaded the yard hunting for his next straight to internet stars and the dog tore him to shreds; after which he came inside and ate all the leftovers that were too gross to eat the first time around. Yeah, and all the feline freaks wonder why cats didn't make the list!

~) Best time to shop of the past decade:
2003-2007, RIP.

Blue) Best job of the past decade:
Politician! This is the best job ever! It's the only way someone of average income and intelligence, with no discernable skills, no specific training, no experience other than coming up with catchy slogans, and staying noncommittal until poll results are in can hope to end up WILDLY WEALTHY BEYOND THEIR IMAGINATION, HOPES AND DREAMS!!! Dude, I am SO running for president in 2016!! Know what my campaign is gonna be? "Vote for Dolly! George Washington is already spinning in his grave, so what could it hurt?" (email if you wanna volunteer to work for me hundreds of hours for free!! When I'm sitting on my throne I'll award you a position as a Supreme Court Justice, or UN rep or Ambassador to someplace AWESOME!!)

^) Best hysterical media spotlight of the past decade:
H1N1! The Economy! The Messiah! Military Prisoners! The War! The Ozone! Global Warming! Endangered animals living where the oil is! All these are MEGA IMPORTANT topics we should be frothing at the mouth about, ALL THE TIME!! Thanks impartial, unbiased media who never rely on hysteria and junk science to rally people 'round their flagpole!!!

Well, that's it. If you want to know what else I pick for the next 'best of' list, I'll be sure to let you know, as soon as antiMusic announces another one of these, WOOO! Happy 2010!!