Let's look at this list of "hardcore punk" bands shall we? This collection of sonic terrorism starts off with Set Your Goals, a band that some might say borders on punk, if you happen to live in San Francisco that is. (Just ask Martin Yee "Marty" over at Amazon.) In this instance, the song sounds like something that Limp Bizkit might have recorded, but it was even too lame for them to put out. This may be a Lil Jon song, but the delivery here is closer to gunk than crunk (as in the gunk on your sheets after a wet dream).

Next up is Say Anything, a band that comes about as close to being punk as Hannah Montana. In fact, they seem to have the same marketing geniuses behind them. Their contribution to this disc sounds like some band dorks in a junior high found a drum machine and thought it would be kinda funny and cool to recite the dirty rap lyrics to the beat. Crunk? No. Bunk? You bet.

What can you say about the Paris Hilton performance that is The Secret Handshake's input to this abortion of an album? I take that back, this is a Lindsey Lohan performance. Maybe a chump would call this crunk.

Sick and scary kids seems to be a theme with third rate emo bands these days and two of the biggest offenders are here with two of lamest songs on this comp. That's quite an accomplishment considering just how bad these songs are. Forever the Sickest Kids like the Secret Handshake seem to have rap confused with disco and their pick of Will Smith's "Men in Black" shows just how oblivious these clowns are. Forever the Lamest Kids. Catch 'em playing at a 50 max capacity bar soon!

Scary Kids Scaring Kids, aside from having possibly one of the stupidest names in emo history, also seem absolutely clueless to what "crunk" is, as if they think that Linkin Park are the crunkiest mofos on the block. The good news is if J.Lo wants to venture back into music anytime soon she can hire these jokers to play with her. Yes folks, it is that bad.

The only highpoint on this album is Hot Rod Circuit's bluesy take on "Gin and Juice". I hate to admit it, but they actually pulled it off. If they delivered vocals in this style instead of their usual generic-I need to blow my nose-emo style, they might be a half-way decent band. I say this, not being a big fan of rap. But in this case the rapping voice is a big improvement over the Billy Joe cloning they usually deliver.

Speaking of obnoxiously generic emo vocals, you need to go no further then ubber generic All Time Low. This band is the poster child of why a lot of people hate the cookie-cutter emo scene. Not an ounce of originality is to be found with these TRL assclowns, and I now have to question their intelligence because when asked to pick a "crunk" song, they recorded an incredibly generic emo version of "Umbrella." What's next for these kids? A cover of "Yummy, Yummy, Yummy?" I shouldn't give them any ideas but that bubblegum classic would fit them to a Plain White T. At least they picked a name that fits them, as they really do bring music to an All Time Low. But I guess 12-year-olds that grow out of Hannah Montana need something to buy. It's either these hacks or the Cute Is What I Aim For dorks.

All Time Low isn't the only incredibly obtuse band featured on this comp. New Found Glory finish out this monstrosity by hammering home the point that whoever is in charge at Fearless Records needs to change the name of the label to Clueless Records. We've known for a long time that they wouldn't know punk if DRI slammed them against a wall, but their utter--and I mean utter--misunderstanding of what constitutes crunk leaves you to wonder if they road a short bus to school. New Found Glory must have searched high and low for the least crunk song ever recorded by a group that features some rap. We're talking about Arrested Development and their classic "Tennessee." This cover is beyond awful. New Found Glory have been around for a while and were one of the first "powerpop" bands to rip off Green Day, but this delivery makes you scratch your head in amazement that they ever got beyond the "all-ages" music club scene. It must be a teenybopper image thing, because it sure isn't their musical talent.

I'll stop beating the dead horse right here, no need to tell you how much the rest of the songs suck on here. But I will conclude on this note, I'm not one to judge a book by its cover, but the cover to this CD actually perfectly conveys what you will get if you are stupid enough to buy this. The low rent K-Fed wannabe should give you all the information you need. But the cluelessness continues as no self-respecting rapper would be caught dead "sporting Jacksons" on an album cover. It's all about the "Benjamins!"

Wait... I'll beat the dead horse one last time and say that that emo bands do have one thing in common with commercial rappers, the propensity of choosing really stupid names.

Look for the next album in this series, "Emo goes Homo." A little more honest of a title, but it is a little redundant. If someone at the label happens upon this review, here is my public service message for you. Begin everyday with this mantra, "emo is not punk, emo is not punk". Repeat it until it finally sinks in.