Basketball Wives Star Issues Ultimatum Over Meeka

Tami -- who used to be married to NBA star Kenny Anderson -- tells TMZ ... the straw that broke the reality star's back came when Meeka sued her over a fight that went down in Italy last month.

Tami says she knows "things got out of hand" with Meeka ... and she's "embarrassed" that things got violent ... but she was willing to let bygones be bygones ... until Meeka decided to sue.

Now Tami tells us, "I will NOT work with someone who is suing me, when they know what this situation is all about. I want to be clear, if she returns in any way, form or fashion I do not plan on participating."