This shocking discovery threatens to destroy the universe as we know it, and lay waste to an entire system of thought that until now had gone unchallenged. Venter discovered that Ashlee Simpson and Avril Lavigne are a perfect DNA match, as a result, on the molecular level, they are really the same person.

Joe $imp$0n was unavailable for comment at this time. Sources close to the troubled $imp$on family hinted that at the first whisper of fame & fortune, Joe had all his kids cloned, in case there was ever a demand for more $imp$ons that the first born $imp$ons were unable to meet.

Allegedly, after Ashlee's SNL fiasco, the Avril clone was unleashed on Canada, with a made up family & bio. Representatives for the $imp$ons, Avril, and the National Mutton Council all deny this allegation. Stay tuned & see what unfolds!! - more on this story

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