Is it a hit, *hit or miss?

Missy Elliot � This is Not A Test by antiGUY

Missy Elliot � This is Not A Test 
Label: Elektra
Hit, *hit or Miss?:  *hit
Rating: 

When one of our readers once wrote that rap was an acronym for �retards attempting poetry� he must have been thinking about Missy Elliot. She is a living reason why some people write off the entire genre. Which is sad because there are talented rappers out there; we just don�t see many on MTV. Missy Elliot is among the worst of the bunch. Her childish raps, mixed with simplistic metaphors and haphazard and mostly illiterate rhymes are the embodiment of shallow stardom based on hype over substance. 

This latest assault upon good taste is titled �This is Not A Test�; which is good because if it was a test, Missy would fail miserably. The only thing that Missy has going for her is Timbaland, the genius behind paper rap queen. What is more laughable is people try to pass off her obvious lack of depth or even literacy as creativity and this CD is another example. This time around she calls upon a plethora of musical guests to try and help give her some musical depth. It doesn�t help, and what we end up with is the same ol� Missy. 

Exhibit A:  The first so called verse and chorus to �Pass That Dutch� 

Listen up everyone! we have been just informed
That there's an unknown virus that's attacking all clubs
Symptoms have been said to be - heaving breathing
Wild dancing, coughing
So when you hear the sound - WHO-DI-WHOOOO!
Run for cover motherf***er!
WOOOOOO! Ahh daddy! Ooooo! Ah! oh, ooh!
Pass that dutch (ah), pass that dutch (ooh)
Pass that dutch (ah), pass that dutch (ah)
Pass that dutch (ah), pass that dutch (ah)
Pass that dutch (whoo), pass that dutch

The only rhymes seem to be of the same word. People give Missy credit for her �beats� but that�s like giving Gibson credit for the solos on a Led Zeppelin album. Again the sneaking suspicion is the parts that people think are so �innovative� come from Timbaland and not Missy, who can�t even find a word to rhyme with �jeans�.  

Exhibit B: 

[Missy]
Hey yo Hov.. tell em
Hip-Hop better wake up

[Jay-Z]
Yeah! Turn the muh'f***ing music up!
Breezy! Yeah! Turn the muh'f***ing music up!

[Verse 1 - Missy Elliott]
Motherf***ers better wake up
Stop selling crack to the blacks
Hope ya brought a spare for ya flat
Cain has sent me talking real facts
Down the hill like Jill and Jack
Got speak what yo weak mind lacks
Ya heard that? I'm creative to the fullest
"Whachu talking bout Willis?"
Cause you talk it never kill it
I hear but don't feel it

The key lines here are �Got speak what yo weak mind lacks�; pot calling the kettle black? �Ya heard that? I'm creative to the fullest�, really? What�s creative about this?  Was it this next line? "Whachu talking bout Willis?", seems she stole that one from Gary Coleman. Hardly creative, but hip-hop artist have a long history of ripping off other people. 

But the ultimate degradation comes when Missy sings or rather raps out her love song to vibrators in �Toyz�.  Just soak in this intellectually stimulating and �creative� verse: 

Whatchu mean I don't need you no more?
Cause I don't!
I gotta bag full of toys and I don't need none of your boys
So you can hit every chick on the block
Cause I'm gone be alright once I turn this power on, ya dig?

I realize that some people buy into this hack and actually enjoy her so called music. That�s fine and all but please if I ever hear another person call her a musical genius, I�m going become violently ill. If this is what passes for �genius� these days than popular music is in a much sadder state than we could have ever imagined. To add insult to injury Rolling Stone even had the gull to compare Missy to the Beatles. Missy is a lot of things but she is not even in the same league with the Beatles, hell they are major league and she�s stick ball. But alas, people must keep propagating this misguided notion that Missy is so gifted. It�s baffling but perhaps it�s like avant-garde art? It�s so bad that people convince themselves that it�s genius? Or they talk about how brilliant it is but inside they see it for the crap that it is.  Sorry to burst your bubble but there is nothing ingenious or groundbreaking here. I suspect Timbaland could reach the same results if he went into a studio for a day with a group of kindergarten kids. Then again, they could probably find two words that rhyme. 

You can delude yourself all you like but I still say Missy is a hack and this CD just justifies that theory once more.  Save your money, or better yet go buy the new Outkast. That will be a much wiser investment than helping to perpetrate this fraud, which isn�t a misdemeanor, Missy sucks ass like a class A felony.