GREENMUSE is a regular reader and fan contributor at antiMUSIC, the views expressed here don't necessarily reflect those of antiMUSIC or our sponsors, but we are sure you will enjoy what he has to say! 

Greetings Droogs and Devotchkas, hope life is indeed treating you well and is gentle when having its way with you. I do apologize for missing out on being what one might call regular with my column, I wish I could say it was due to my being held captive by a rouge faction of scantily clad Japanese college girls, but it wasn�t. But a man can dream cant he? I believe my case of writer�s constipation has passes so bear with me as I ease back into the hot tub of article writing; forgive me if I slip and fall once or twice on the algae that surrounds said hot tub. 

Awhile back I became interested in listening to music the way our daddies did--on vinyl. Though listening to that vinyl like my dad did certainly would have its charms, clad in snug bellbottoms with a Frank Zappa stache and drunk off his ass, which sounds pretty cool till you saw his record collection was mostly Jimmy Buffet and John Denver. No amount of booze could make John Denver cool. I think John himself was proof of that. 

One of the biggest hold ups to my jump into vinyl was the fact I had nothing to play it on, my dad tossed out both his record players right after I moved out so that was a dead end. Ms Muse�s father has two turntables as well, but neither of them worked. So it looked like I was going to have to buy one myself. Which I didn�t want to do since oddly enough a turntable is pretty expensive for being a fairly simple device that only a few people use compared to the high whiz CD player with all its lasers and whatnot. But finally the amount of disposable cash I had on hand coincided with a turntable, a pretty bargain priced Sony unit that included the pre-amp so I could just plug it into the mini system I have in the snug of my living room. Soon it was ordered and on its way to my dwelling. I was warm and content after my purchase, some would call it afterglow. Then it hit me that I have nothing to play on this caveman wonder device. So it was off to Alternative Tentacles since they were the first name to pop in my head as to where I can get vinyl easily. So soon my turntable was joined by Wesley Willis's Greatest Hits Volume 2 in the mail. Rock over London, rock on Chicago!

After much waiting both items finally arrived. And there was much rejoicing *insert the much rejoicing sound from the Pythons �Holy Grail� film here*. First thing off vinyl kicks anything else�s butt simply because the artwork is bigger. Anyone attempting to read the stuff inside a Dead Kennedys CD can attest to how much the small booklet sized CD inserts suck when it comes to artwork clarity. I also got a nice little poster of Mr. Willis's rendition of McDonalds. Anyone familiar with him or his music knows the unique drawing style he had so that was a nice bonus as well. Putting the dinner platter sized black disk onto the player I was ready to hear angel trumpets and devil trombones. I pushed start and off I was on a bus ride through this very bizarre collection of tunes. There is definitely a unique vibe to holding the huge sleeve of a record as opposed to the CD cover. Not being much of an audiophile I couldn�t detect much difference in sound other than things being slightly warmer sounding on vinyl. As long as it plays I�m happy. After getting inducted into the meanderings of the devices of Yesteryear I was ready for the next step: vintage vinyl. 

The next part of my quest took me to a shop in town called Blue Note Records where I heard they sold records of all sorts along with CDs that usually were available only through mail-order. Blue Note is a great place, on the outside its windows are covered in decals advertising this or that release, the rest of the space was taken up by posters, so from the outside you can�t really see what�s inside. The place looks like its been there forever, I�m sure if one scraped through the decals and poster on the window you could find an ad for Jerry Lee Lewis's first release. Inside the place was organized chaos; it would take years to go through the inventory there. There were records in the bin, as well as in stacks under the bins. Any sort of genre you could think of was in there, which was interesting to people watch as well since you had all sorts of people in there, from older jazz folks to the Linkin Park crowd. After a bit of searching and debating what to get I walked away the proud owner of Captain Sensibles "A Day in the Life of Captain Sensible" and Keith Levenes Violent Opposition. Both were great, but the Captain album is probably the best 10 bucks I�ve ever spent. Plus he has one of the best rock n roll names ever. 

So there you have it my short and sweet delving into the archaic devices known as turntables and LPs. It�s definitely worth the bit of cash I had to shell out for the table. Until next month, I leave you with these words of wit: castles don�t have phones!

Greenmuse loves to hear from you, post a message below or send him an email at [email protected] (he does get some rather strange emails from time to time... there was this one from a 14 punker girl who asked him if he wanted to...)