GREENMUSE is a regular reader and fan contributor at antiMUSIC, the views expressed here don't necessarily reflect those of antiMUSIC or our sponsors, but we are sure you will enjoy what he has to say! 

Ahoy shipmates, how goes it? Appy polly ogies for not writing when I should have been writing. I've suffered a bout of writers block. Frankly I still am suffering from it but I don't want a "help wanted" sign where my column used to be. (I know Keavin wouldn't do that, but it makes for keen dramatic effect). 

Today we are going to touch on the subject that should have had people up in arms since 1955. And that is the title of "King Of Rock N Roll". Being dubbed the "king" of anything shouldn't be handed out as lightly like "roller coaster thrill ride" reviews at some magazine we all loathe and despise. Now I'm not going to get into who I think should be king of rock n roll *cough cough* Chuck Berry. Think about it, John Lennon once said "if you tried to give rock and roll another name, you might call it 'Chuck Berry'". Jerry Lee Lewis's mother once told him " you and Elvis are pretty good, but you�re no Chuck Berry". Plus, most convincing, Chuck could do the duck walk, Elvis shook his silly hips. C'mon which do you think is a better stage move? But the thing that really should be reason for Elvis to turn in his crown is the fact that he never wrote a song. Yes, you read that right. He never wrote his own songs. The rationale is absurd, that's like dubbing NSync the Kings of Rock n Roll. Why has the king of the genre that binds us all together gotten away with one of the highest crimes against rock n roll? 
 
I could play a few bars of double stops on my guitar and a lot of people would pick up on it and say "oh that's a Chuck Berry riff". How many times have you heard anyone say "oh, that's an Elvis chord progression"? If anyone can come up with just once I'll listen to the Op Ivy tribute album on a permanent loop for a month. So c'mon and take the greenmuse challenge! I'll tack Busted's album on there as well if the number reaches over 5. Elvis was form over function plain and simple, after all we couldn't have middle American girls lusting after a black man! Rr having a black man as king of anything over a white man in
1950s America. This is merely my opinion on this subject, take it as you will. But I do believe music would be as we know it today without Elvis, but not without Chuck Berry. 
 
I know with this article I'm pissing on a sacred horse, but I do believe this is one icon of history that should be put in his rightful place, which is about 20 places behind Chuck Berry. The only thing Elvis did better than anyone else was be a drug addict. Who else could pull off visiting Nixon and accepting a DEA badge while probably high off his ass? I doubt anyone will match the sheer number of prescriptions written to support his habit, I think the number averages out to like 20 a day or something insane like that. In spite of all his success, Elvis died a pitiful death. But at the same time, its pretty rock n roll to take self Indulgence to that level. This has been the only bar he has set that Chuck didn't do better at. Chuck just put cameras in ladies bathrooms. So this month's song of the month is "Johnny B Goode", Chuck's most famous tune, and inspiration to 100s of songs since. Keep on duck walkin!