GREENMUSE is a regular reader and fan contributor at antiMUSIC, the views expressed here don't necessarily reflect those of antiMUSIC or our sponsors, but we are sure you will enjoy what he has to say! 

This month I�m going to try something a bit different, yet similar to an article i did a bit back about the human species, remember the cute little pic of a chimp with a red cap?(that was supposed to be Fred Durst �ed)  I fondly do. So don�t flay me alive if you don�t like it, part inspired by antiGUY�s top 5 series, part inspired by �the man show�s museum of annoying drunks�. But it�s all muse.

I now bring to you GreenMuse�s Music Fan Stereotype  Extravaganza!

Here we will take a little look at the evolution of music fans, and to the heights or depths of human development they can achieve. We start at the lowest rung on the music fan evolutionary scale: the Avril Lavigne and Courtney Love fans. No description needed and don�t become all pissy about it, everyone knows how low on this ladder you are, but only I have been kind enough to tell you.

then there is the �music is just entertainment� fan, these people are usually on the younger end of the age scale, but some never grow out of it. These are the people that drive the entertainment industry, overly swayed by slick marketing, usually have a �must keep up with the joneses� complex, these are the people who when matured will become the knights of the business round table, or if they are really lucky, they become the �yes� men of an important executive.  Favorite bands at this moment -the girl from American Idol and the Justin Timberlake solo project.

From there we proceed to �the mall core kids of America,� these are perhaps the most amusing fans to watch as they banter among themselves. These kids buy lock, stock and barrel into the whole �tortured soul� act of semi aggressive bands with an over abundance of steel bits stuck into their faces. This species of music fan will adopt the tortured soul act of their band of choice and will view their own life in the same light; even if their parents love them, and buy em everything they could possibly desire. The only �bad thing to happen in their life is having to settle for dads old Mercedes(1999) when he goes out and purchases a new one.  �But Dad, I wanted the new E-Class! You don�t love me!�

With a little bit of luck and a little bit of magic, the mall kids may wrap themselves in a cocoon of Slipknot and Puddle of Mudd t-shirts to emerge �the music fan with taste,� it might start out as a gift from a friend or perhaps a Napster type program, but the mall kids might find out that Fred Durst didn�t invent metal or Slipknot really does suck after listening to less mainstream bands. Maybe their eyes were opened by Iron Maiden, maybe it was Black Sabbath, maybe even the Clash. 

Here is where music fans should be; well rounded interests, a semblance of music history and very sharp bulls*** detectors. No one is pulling one over on these folks.

From here we got the other side of the ladder, the music fan with taste, perhaps might evolve, though �evolve� might be the wrong word into the �ultra militant music fan.� These are the people that accept nothing at face value, slag off anything that they do not like and investigate as much of a bands past as humanly possible. If anything they find isn�t kosher to their preferred style of music, they will stop listening to a band right then and there. Their preferred motto is�_______ did it earlier, and better,� usually said with an aloof smirk. S common belief among this group is �if its on the radio, even college radio, it sucks!� I�m not ashamed to say I kinda belong in this group. 

Now we finally come to the belle époque of music fans....the record collectors. These people are the music fan equivalent to the overly obsessive Star Trek fans, you know the type the kind of people who spend months learning some made up language for people with funny ridges in their heads. These people don�t own anything made past the year 1984 and then only on vinyl. 99% of these people music is bands no one but themselves know of, the band might have played in a back yard once and someone crafted a record for them at the party out of a paper plate that�s reads something like �keep on truckin� or �easy does it�.
I hope you enjoyed this little ditty, those are the basics, there are many more sub-rungs on this evolutionary ladder. perhaps in time we might view them also, perhaps..GM

Greenmuse loves to hear from you, post a message below or send him an email at [email protected] (he does get some rather strange emails from time to time... there was this one from a 14 punker girl who asked him if he wanted to...)