GREENMUSE is a regular reader and fan contributor at antiMUSIC, the views expressed here don't necessarily reflect those of antiMUSIC or our sponsors, but we are sure you will enjoy what he has to say! 

What�s it going to be eh? This month as your friend and humble narrator I�ve put down my hatred for all things Avril chastity belt and have taken up an undercover job of the highest degree. As most music fans I�ve been wondering, what goes on with the rock n roll hall of fame and above all who votes on who gets in. So I garner the most appropriate vehicle for this task off a woman named "sunflower morning dew" a kooky old lady who lives down the road who makes a living as a yoga teacher. I noticed one day parked in the back of her yard was the epitome of 60's culture, a 1962 23 windowed Volkswagen Bus, complete with rainbow mural on the side, and suns painted around the headlights. After a bit of talking she let me have it for nothing "because I had an aurora of someone who has great things in store for him." As she plopped the keys to it, in my hand, I knew then and there she was right. As I opened the door I was hit immediately with the smell of patchouli and countless other smells that had accumulated during the 40 or so years this thing had been in service. A bit of the smell might have had to do with the mushroom garden that occupied the backseat. Soon I was home packing my gear into this rolling piece of history and preparing for a long trek to Cleveland. I made it there in 6 hours, my van is fast fool, but not as fast as Mr. T, he would have made the trip in 8 minutes flat.

As I pulled up to the building I quickly jumped in the back and broke out the "greenmuse damn good disguise kit" and quickly made myself over into a classic mullet, but carried in some other bits in case I needed them in the uber cool fanny pack. I strolled through the door to begin looking for the nerve center of this place, but all I find is the usual rent a cops and the like milling about. I debate looking at all the crappy disco memorabilia, and other things from obscure one hit wonders from the sixties. Finally I made my way to Jimi Hendrix, when I hear voices exclaiming stuff like "man that new song by Frampton is far out man!" with "man" being drawn out into like a 4 minute word, I quickly leap behind a trash bin, and watch 4 chubby skulleted men in tie dye press the tone button on the painting of Jimi Hendrix. After doing so a door opens and the quartet goes inside it. 

Very interesting, I thought as I dashed into the nearest restroom and donned my own overweight hippy uniform, emerging looking like a acid trip version of David Crosby. I strolled over to Jimi�s magik strat, and pressed the button when no one was looking. Then I quickly ducked into the door, as it snapped shut behind me. Quickly I�m suffocated by the same smell as my Volkswagen Bus. Choking I use my David Crosby hair to filter most of it out. 

I sneaked down the steep steps, I started to hear voices coming from the bottom of the stairs, behind a door. The door opens and one of the men steps out, without thinking I kick him in the crotch with my now Birkenstocked feet, as he drops to his knees, I notice he looks like how I  do, but his name badge says Carl, so I steal it from him, and use my handy dandy chloroform to knock him out. It�s now or never, so I stroll into the secret room very casually, another David Crosby look alike asks me "what was  that noise maaaaan" coming to the quickest explanation I could find, "um those notdogs give me gas, uh maaaan" luckily they believe me and let me sit down. (I guess tofu not dogs really do give people gas) I sat there and soon there came the agenda of the meeting, the induction of the Banana Splits! Perhaps the only rival the Monkees had in pure 60's kitsch, but the splits are much more entertaining, and talented than their Monkee counter parts. 

So when it comes time to vote, everyone raises their hands, and thusly the Banana Splits are nominated to be voted on next year. Then all the members begin singing the Banana Splits theme song, and I, to my horror, realize I don�t know all the words!. Around the middle of their first verse, the head David Crosby look alike notices the vacancy in the song. His eyes lock onto mine, then narrow into little slits. After the song is over he announces "there is a stranger in our midst" and walks over to me and jerks the wig off my head. The two other David Crosbies along with the representative from the Banana Splits, drooper gasp in horror. Next thing I know I�m back in my home in Florida. But I do remember most of the nominations for next year: the Banana Splits, Josie and the Pussycats, Archie and Archie�s. To make along story short, the hall is run by out of touch hippies, stuck in a time warp, and only having bands like The Clash inducted to keep up the front that it takes impact to make it into the sham of a what they call the rock n roll hall of fame.  
 

Greenmuse loves to hear from you, post a message below or send him an email at [email protected] (he does get some rather strange emails from time to time... there was this one from a 14 punker girl who asked him if he wanted to...)