Is it a hit, *hit or miss?

Steriogram - Schmack!  by Brad Podray

Steriogram - Schmack!
Label: Capitol
Rating: 

Prepare to groove to songs written with that old mentality of rock songwriting, where you could be catchy without being cheap.  Prepare to experience some well-thought out singing that serves to capture you and wrap you up in the musical experience. Prepare to hear a band that�s geared towards a pop-rock mentality that you might actually like.  Prepare to- what the hell is this?  These vocals suck.

I wish I could put it more gently.  Now I�m not talking about the singer.  I�m talking about the rapper.  Steriogram is sitting there producing quite respectable music, and then this rapper starts jabbering in the way that only a quirky white man can.  Clearly this band is trying to capitalize on the rock/rap combo that�s become so popular, but they�re doing it on a level that�s about as obnoxious as having a circus clown continually throw vials of deadly yet colorful bubonic plague at your face.  So this is why the African American community gets to make fun of us white boys so much.  Now I see it!  If Steriogram ever achieves widespread popularity, it�ll be a crippling blow to the great deal of hip-hop respectability that Eminem gave to the white community.  This CD, entitled �Schmack!,� sounds like a slightly-better than average pop-punk band that�s been marred by some incredibly obnoxious rapper who busts in right when you think you might be enjoying anything about the music. They�re doing to pop-punk what Linkin Park did to electronically-influenced rock and it�s abysmal.  This is worse than Linkin Park.  If you�re a Linkin Park fan you�ll probably agree.  If you�re a Linkin Park hater, then you�ll truly understand the severity of this comment. 

I�m not sure if the rapper and the singer are the same guy, but it really doesn�t matter, because regardless of the answer- the bottom line is that the rap is killing this band.   Let me take this moment to say that every other aspect of �Schmack!� is completely respectable.  From the mellow heartstrings plucked in the beginning of �Be Good to Me� to a few cool moments in the rocked-out �Walkie Talkie Man,� Steriogram proves their songwriting competence.  This review could laud certain moments of the album with plenty of praise, yet each compliment would have to have a �well the rapper just went and ruined that one� at the end of it.  For instance, listen to seconds 27 through 31 of the final track, �On and On.�  You�ll hear a decent, ear-grabbing riff and a rocking but not harsh vocal line.  If you happen to accidentally allow the song to continue, consider your listening experience duly ruined.  I equate the listening experience of �Schmack!� to having my head being submerged over and over into a vat of pudding.  It�s not very pleasing and I have no idea why it�s going on�but I do know that I don�t want it to happen again.

Sure to please- One out of every 50 Linkin Park fans.

Sure to disappoint- Everybody else�including Steriogram�s parents.