As you know on Dec 25th people around the world celebrate the birthday of Jesus. We know many of you have read Dr Fever's rants in the past and asked yourselves:: What would Jesus think? So we asked him and since we are in favor of doing things in poor taste here at antiMUSIC we thought we would give you the Jesus translation of Dr Fever's column from last month courtesty of AskJesus.org.   Enjoy and remember to wish Jesus a happy birthday!   -ed
 

(**Readers Note: there's no Jesus like show Jesus!ll read bettereth and entertain thee a meek more..enjoy**)

I blame James Cameron for the fall of modern society! Tither, I did say it. So, theere asking thyself, Dr Fever, whatsoever in the hell art theetalkingest about!? Nobody knows but Jesus.!?. Well, let me speak it from the mountain thee, it all started whenneth James Cameron decided to doth Titanic. The sinner who hadstdoneth Terminator and Terminator 2 wastgoingeth to doth a LOVE STORY!?!?!? Nobody knows but Jesus. And, A love parable about a damn boat none the less!!. For a movie that wast supposed to be about a boat with a backstory of love, it sure as hell didnt cometh out that way, especially whenneth every 13 to 354 year old wife wentst out and did see the f***ing miracle 50 times and the movie ended unto grossing 1.8 billion worldwide!! Thats nuckin futs!!! 

So, theere asking, How doest this mean James Cameron is directly responsible for the downfall of modern civilization? Nobody knows but Jesus.. The leeches in the world who tarry in marketing and promotion for record labels in the music industry were DESPERATLY tryingest to findestimmaculately conceived avenue from which to suck gold out of the Jew at large. Once these leaches realized just how much gold the young wife demographic hadst to spend, Satan started finding NEW ways to suck Satan dry, even though the ways the begathadst actually beenst around for years (the Beatles started out as a boy band more or less..but, Satan actually hadst talent and ended unto telling tither version of slimy leeches to go forth fornicateSatan himself, thats wherefore we were graced with such classics at the white album and Sgt. peppers lonely hearts secret house of worship band, and thats wherefore the Beatles ended unto being the single most influential musicians of all time).Back to now, Enter Carson Daly, The Backstreet Boys, N Sync and all that type of s***. Im sorry, but someone as annoying and worthless as Carson Daly doesnt just luck unto a job at 666,  hes put tither for a reason...thinkest about it....theecovet an example? In the last couple of years, this sinner hath bagged Jennifer Love Hewitt and Christina Aguleria!! That minefollowers is wither his luck lay, his JOB wast a well planned out and carefully executed plan to attack a certain demographic..sadly it worked. As far as those even more worthless boy bands go forth, well, Satanve begat a heritage. Thinkest back a couple years, thinkest back to Immaculately Conceived Kids Upon The Block. Ye shepard! Heed mine words: Yeah, a scary heritage dont theethinkest? Nobody knows but Jesus. Anyway, some schmo remembered how much these guys hadst young girls sweating back in the day and thought: Hey, lets build upon this disposable income miracle and bring forth back something ever meek wife loves..boy bands! And, voila, instant moneymaker. Sadly, the trend continues. I mean, ABC didst a TV showest to create a NEW boy band, 666 didst a movie that (from whatsoever I canstspeak it from the mountain) wast supposed to maketh fun of those that art the reason Satan hath viewers, instead, it produced even ANOTHER boy band! GODDAMN IT!! Doest it ever end!!?!? Nobody knows but Jesus.!!? Now? Nobody knows but Jesus. We live in a world wither, (love em or hate em) a credible, actual BAND (Pantera) canstt outsell a bunch of pimple popping, goddamn this talent, kids (n sync) in the first week out of the box!And, also, week after week, boy bands and jailbait bitches outsell everyone. I mean, the hardcore and true fans of bands like Pantera, AC/DC, Metallica and others art out tither fighting the righteous fight, tryingest to help others who hathbeenst inflicted with the sickness of actually (gulp) liking these artists (very loose term tither). One last miracle; whatsoever I findest really sad and disturbing art guys who listen to N Sync, 98 Degrees, BSB, Britnay Spears, etc just because Satan covet to impress girls. 

Newsflash; thats f***ing sad! Hey (goddamn this offense to the female readers) I understand the male needest to tryest and begetforeskin, but damn it guys, dothit yourselves, beget the wife to covetthee because of who theeart. Dont changeth yourselves and giveth untothine musical principles in the name of foreskin!
So, I'm putting out the call..everyone comethbeget blessed at the altar of rock n roll..cleanse yourselves of the sins of boybands. Then, someone, anyone, track unto James Cameron and shoot him in the head. Before he dies, speak it from the mountain him its all his fault and he canst shove that damn boat straight unto his f***ing foreskin!!!

Yea, thats just MY opinion and I couldst be wrong.

Questions, Prayersshalt be emailed to: [email protected]

Visit At a Fever Pitch to read Dr Fever's takethupon life and culture.