Greetings from strange times at �The Lab.� First, let me apologize for my lack of ranting for the month of February. Granted, February is an evil month. An evil month full of bad vibrations and nasty times, but I just couldn�t bring myself to write. I honestly had nothing to bitch about. Well, that and The Doc has been going through some drastic upheavals in his life since last we met. Strange times indeed.

At any rate, I had been kicking around a couple of different ideas to write about this month. Hell, I came up with a couple of ideas that I�ll re-hash in later months, but the answer to my �what should I write about� question became so BLATANTLY obvious one (not so) fine night while roaming around outside the confines of �The Lab.�

See, most of the time, The Doc spends his time locked in �The Lab� listening to Dave Matthews Band bootlegs (or, more often than not recently, my current favorite band (non DMB category) �...And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of The Dead�. check �em out.), watching DVDs� (�Blazing Saddles�, �The Godfather� one and two, �Fight Club�, �Tombstone� and �Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back� being the most recent movies to get worn out) or just plain being lazy. But, on RARE occasions when I can pry myself away, I find myself taking part in �Open Mic� nights on campus (yes, The Doc is BACK in school. Scary, I know.), this is where my most recent inspiration comes from.

Now, when one here�s the term �Open Mic� what does one think? Me personally, I think of having an avenue to get on stage in front of both peers and strangers and ranting about what happens to be bothering you at that particular moment. Others see it as an avenue to read their poetry, or perhaps get up and do s***ty acoustic songs that make Sean William Scotts� opus in �Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back� seem like Platinum material (don�t know what I�m talking about? Watch the movie, you�ll understand). You see though kiddies; the term �Open Mic� is somewhat misleading, at least here on campus. But, I�d venture to say that it�s like this at ANY close-minded institution that tries to make itself look good by having �Open Mic� night for the students.

Ok, here�s the problem I have. I get up on stage (for example) and just start complaining about whatever is bothering me at that particular moment. Now, through the course of this, I pepper in the occasional �colorful� word (not unlike this column). Folks, four letter words NEVER killed anyone. Terrorism. Anthrax. Cancer. AIDS. College Cafeteria food. These are all things that have killed before. And will kill again. But not words like �f***�, �s***�, etc, etc. But, you try telling that to the chuckleheads who run the particular building that said open mic is taking place in. Must be their high-strung religious beliefs. Speaking of that (bad and obvious transition I know), here�s where my problem arises. I don�t mind so much that I have to keep my little rants clean, sure it irritates me, but I�m not going to go all psycho over it. What bothers me is that right after I walk off stage, some brainf***ed schmo walks on stage right after me and gives a 45-minute, Jesus filled sermon and practically condemns everyone in the audience to hell unless they straighten up their act and adopt holy mother church into their lives. Talk about offensive!! 

Now, let me clarify before you start flaming me all to s*** in the �fan speak� section: I am NOT attacking religion. I am NOT attacking people who are religious. And, I am damn sure NOT attacking people and or their beliefs. What you believe is fine and damn dandy to me. What bothers me is the hypocrisy that follows this whole thing. Someone gets on stage, says �f***�, and the administration (or whomever happens to be present at that time) goes ape s*** trying to figure out what to do. Someone goes on stage, tells everyone their going to hell because they are all full of sin and hey, it�s A-OK. No problems here. Just preaching the good word. What? Atheists aren�t offendable? Agnostics aren�t offendable? People like myself (who believe in the following: Heaven, Hell, Jesus, God, Satan, Good Coffee, Even Better Music, and the FACT that Quentin Tarantino is the forgotten genius of this generation... come on QT, when are we gonna get another movie for s***sake!?)aren�t offendable? It�s a vicious double standard that bothers the (pardon the pun) hell out of me.

I fully expect a s*** storm to follow this, but again, please keep in mind...I�m NOT attacking people who are religious, people who feel the need to talk about their religious beliefs (that�s another rant for another time), or religion itself. I�m attacking the numbnut, narrow-minded nitwits who set the double standard. The people who somewhere along the line whipped it out and took a piss on the Bill Of Rights and constantly allow the double standard to happen. That�s it. I mean, think about it..There are more �mainstream� (I hate that word) examples of the SAME DAMN DOUBLE STANDARD, things like: Advisory stickers on CDs, Ratings on both TV shows AND movies, the fact that the FCC exists in general, just to name a few. 

At any rate...just needed to bitch about that, I feel much better now. So, like I always used to say (and like Dennis Miller still says); That�s just my opinion, I could be wrong. 

Until next month...