with DeadSun
You've seen him in Fan Speak all around the antiMUSIC network, now DeadSun gets his big show as the host of his very own talk show, The Not Quite-So DeadShow ! Forget Oprah and Dr. Phil, DeadSun knows how to liven up a talk show. .
Non Offensive Rock: Volume One �We�ll be right back with this month�s Deaditorial, but first� a brief word from our sponsor.� Are you the sort of person who finds the messages that overwhelm our everyday lives to be offensive? We at DeadSun Productions Inc. know EXACTLY what you are going through. Day after day, we are bombarded with the evil disease of intolerance: homophobia, racism, sexism, and chauvinism. It seems like there is an attempt to hurt people�s feelings around every corner, lurking insidiously beneath even the most apparently harmless words. I too find this insensitivity everywhere about, and political correctness is our only hope. A few weeks back, I was sipping on a caramel latte mocha swirl, at a local trendy café, trying to decide as to whether or not �light� and �dark� was a racially divisive means to designate a coffee order--- when something dawned on me: Rock music is utterly packed to the BRIM with offensive words! Acting upon this incredible revelation, I finished my pretentious, overpriced cold sesame noodle salad, and headed straight to my cd collection. Once I realized that 99% of all of the songs that I owned were spreading the gospel of intolerance, I set to work. � and so after many sleepless nights, DeadSun Productions Inc. is proud to present--- for the first time EVER--- �Non-Offensive Rock: Volume One�. Just take a look at this politically correct-charged rocker of a compilation! �Piece of My Heart�, Janis Joplin
�Share Another Piece of My Non-Gender Specific Anatomy� It�s beautiful, isn�t it? Next up� �Runnin� With the Devil�, Van Halen
The new, enhanced title: �Runnin� With the Straight, White, Male Devil� Admittedly, the chorus sounds a little uneven� but WE DON�T HAVE TIME FOR RATIONAL SOLUTIONS. The offensiveness has to end. The oppressors are winning. Moving along� �Sheena is a Punk Rocker�, Ramones
New title: �Sheena is a Dyslexic, African-American Lesbian� � for FAR too long has the world ignored the plight of the dyslexic, African-American lesbians. Now they will finally feel like they belong. �Man in the Box�, Alice in Chains
The kinder, enhanced title: �I�m a Man, or Woman, or Aspiring Transsexual� in the Box (so don�t alienate me)� � and what about this slap in the face, to all who have alternative dietary lifestyles? �Closer�, Nine Inch Nails
�I wanna f*ck you like an animal.� This is clearly the clever propaganda of meat eaters. From this point forward, this lyric will be replaced with: �I wanna f*ck you like a soy-based meat substitute.� I�m sorry, but under the old lyrics, vegetarians are being persecuted. � and last but not least. �Piano Man�, Billy Joel.
New title: �Sing Us a Song, You�re the Transvestite Piano Player With Attention Deficit Disorder� Well ladies and gentlemen, and lady/gentlemen� here it is. �Non Offensive Rock: Volume One�
�Runnin� With the Straight, White, Male Devil� �Sheena is a Dyslexic, African-American Lesbian� �I�m a Man, or Woman, or Aspiring Transsexual� in the Box (so don�t alienate me)� �Closer�� I wanna f*ck you like a soy-based meat substitute. �Sing Us a Song, You�re the Transvestite Piano Player With Attention Deficit Disorder� � and so I want to hear from all of you. Do you have any Non-Offensive Rock songs that you�d like to chime in with? We�d like to hear from you. PS--- TO HELL WITH POLITICAL CORRECTNESS. Until next month, this is the DeadSun, signing off. DS
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