antiMUSIC is pleased to welcome aboard with Chuck DiMaria, who will be giving us his 2 cents every week on a variety of music topics.

As always the views expressed by the writer do not neccessarily reflect the views of antiMUSIC or the iconoclast entertainment group

If I had a million dollars, I'd definitely pay some program director to get my songs on the air. As a matter of fact, that's the going rate to break a pop act into super-stardom. At least that's the rumor. (I'd say more, but I ain't that stupid.)

Unfortunately, that's payola. Even more unfortunate than that is the simple fact that that's the way the world works.

Payola is a dicey subject. On the one hand, it's an illegal practice that stems from the early days of rock radio. In a nutshell, I do for you, so you do for me. I pay you, you play the songs. It was a pretty simple arrangement. The problem is that it can also end up being a pretty expensive arrangement because airtime is going to end up going to the highest bidder.

Payola enables "the Man" to force-feed schlock like Christina Aggravating-whora and Ashlee Simpson (Don't even get me started) down our collective throats.

And, of course, it's illegal. At least in theory.

You see, when the payola laws were written, they inserted a little line of text that essentially negated the law; Business gifts are not considered to be payola.

You may want to go back and read that again and let it sink in for a moment: A business gift is not payola.

Let's face it, we've all gotten some form of payola or another in our lives. Open up a savings account and we'll give you a toaster. Buy this car and we'll give you a rebate. Here's a free music sampler, here's a free purse, here's some free samples�now buy our product.

That's how business is done. You can call it what you want � the big schmooze, softening up the client, testing the waters � it still amounts to the same thing: You do for me, and I'll do for you. It's been going on for years in some form or another and that's the way the world works. It's just business.

However, payola is back in the news. Now, the fact that Sony may have lavished gifts on some program director at some station somewhere doesn't surprise me at all. Nor does the fact that they got caught because nothing lasts forever.

The thing that shocked the hell out of me was that they mentioned my hometown of Buffalo, NY. The radio station in questions is WKSE, Kiss 98.5, and it's your basic Top 40 station. And apparently Sony BMG spent about four grand trying to get their band Franz Ferdinand on the air in good ol' Nickel City. That's what they say the four trips to Miami that they gave to the Program Director came to.

Let me get this straight: You spent over four thousand dollars trying to get a little airplay in Buffalo, NY? You're kidding me, right? I lived in Buffalo almost my entire life and never spent that much.

Now, since I'm from Buffalo, and most of you probably aren't, let me give you the quick rundown here: To say Buffalo is a small city is kinda like saying Paris Hilton has self-esteem issues. It's pretty obvious.

And to give you an idea of just how small the city is, as far as radio is concerned at least, Buffalo is listed as the 52nd largest market. Fifty-second. We're not even in the top forty here. Hell, Providence, RI, could probably kick our ass in a street fight. What the hell was the promo guy over at Sony thinking?

This isn't to say that Buffalo isn't a great little city. I love that city and one day hope to return to it. But I ain't spending four grand to go there. In the words of Robbie Takac from Goo Goo Dolls, "Buffalo's a great place to live, but I wouldn't want to visit there."

So how did a series a trips from Buffalo (#52) to Miami (#12) get the green light?

And here's a better question: How much was spent in the fifty-one other markets that are larger, and subsequently, at least for radio demographics purposes, more important than Buffalo?

I think we can safely say a hell of a lot more than four grand, kids. And that was what was spent on one artist at one station in one very small city. Makes you wonder what the entire price tag is, doesn't it?

But is it payola? Of course it is. Is it a business gift? Of course it is. See the dilemma?

Maybe now you can see why the record industry hates file sharing; they paid damn good money to get those songs on the air and you guys are spreading them around for free? Oh, hell no!

It kind of also helps explain why a new CD costs so damn much. And, of course, this entire bill gets added up with interest and is listed as part of the promotion budget for an artist and is a recoupable expense. In other words, it doesn't matter who really sent that program director to Miami, because ultimately Franz Ferdinand will be picking up the tab.

Now here's the kicker: Sony had to pay a settlement and make nice-nice with the New York Attorney General. So now $10 million will be distributed by Rockefeller Philanthropy Advisors to nonprofit groups in the state of New York aimed at arts and education. (Wait � isn't that payola?! You do for me and I'll do for you�) According to New York Attorney General Eliot L. Spitzer, the money will in part benefit independent musicians indirectly frozen out by the alleged payola schemes. (Apparently, Buffalo wasn't the only market getting a little somethin'-somethin'.)

Well, Mr. Spitzer, the independent musicians aren't frozen out, they just don't have a big enough promo budget to compete with the majors. Thank God for the internet. At least now they've got a fighting chance.

And this isn't going to end payola, kids. It's just going to duck under the radar for a little while. That is, of course, until The Superbowl rolls around and someone wants tickets on the fifty-yard line. I think you get my point.

And the $10 million dollars that were paid out? I got even more bad news for you, Mr. S; that's pocket change to these people. Wait till you see the promo budget for a major act on a major label with a major album coming out this fall. That's when the real money is gonna hustle and flow. They probably breathed a huge sigh of relief. Ten million? That's all?

Now all they have to do is raise CD prices for a little extra cash to cover the bar tab in Miami. Or better yet, they can raid the nearest playground, corner the eleven-year-old alleged file-swapper swinging from the monkey bars, and take the little tyke to court to make up the difference. No biggie.

But that really doesn't matter, Mr. S., because you've already got your $10 million, so you should be happy.

In fact, you gotta be so happy that my measly two cents shouldn't bother you at all.

So gimme my change.

Chuck DiMaria is Los Angeles based musician, actor and antiMUSIC columnist (his resume goes on). Check out his website ChuckDiMaria.com for more of his writings, MP3s and more (be sure to read about his adventures in online dating!!) Plus be sure check out the site for his band Under Pressure.