"Some people got way too much confidence baby"

"Original of the Species" is an uncompromising tale about the love for your own child and yet I am not really sure the song has ever received its due credit. It was the fifth single from Bomb and performed almost nightly on the tour, but I have a feeling that this song, and their equally brilliant song "Kite" from 2000, have been overlooked by the record buying/downloading public. To hear it isn't enough. This is a song that is all about emotion, in fact, it's dripping in it. It's apparently about Bono's and the Edge's daughters. But when the tour was nearly cancelled in early 2005 due to a family member's health, the song took on a deeper resonance within the band. "Vertigo" may have been about going for the jugular, but the heart of the record lies in its final tracks and moments which translated over to the concert stage. The first time I saw the song live was during the band's 4-night stand in Chicago during May of 2005. They filmed a few of these shows for their Vertigo 2005: Live from Chicago DVD and they caught "Original of the Species" in its performing infancy. The performance is hesitant, unrefined and it's possibly the highlight of the DVD. "We haven't quite figured out how to play it yet" is how they introduce it on the DVD, dedicating it to the band's daughters amidst a storm of emotion. The band plays their hearts out with barely a guitar in sight. Bono honestly pushes himself in a luminal vocal performance that didn't come from his head, but his heart. The songwriting process for it began during the All That You Can't Leave Behind sessions and was completed a few years later. Due to the issue with a member of the band's family, they took those brimming emotions and brought it to the stage. Any show that contained "Species" wasn't an average show. When the band came back that fall, the song continued to swell with passion. Bono sung as if his life depended on it. In between the US legs of the tour, I became engaged and my then fianc�e after seeing the September performance told me "I want that song on our wedding mix" and from that moment on, the song meant something more to me. This is what makes a song bulletproof from criticism. If one identifies with a song on a highly emotional level, no amount of disparagement will any deter a true fan and this is what defines music and its impact.

Flash forward a few years and in early 2008, my wife and I were expecting our first child for a fall birth. We were ecstatic and began making all the necessary plans; redoing rooms, looking at your savings accounts for money to be spent, daycare possibilities, etc. We even saw the child on an ultrasound whom we nicknamed "Future Fun". What you never plan for is for when something goes wrong. Bad things happen; it's a part of life. We are told the pain is to make us stronger. I'm not sure I agree with that assumption, but regardless, ache is an integral part of life. In March I was out of town one evening when my wife me she had spotting, 11-weeks in. We were concerned so we called the doctor and she made her appointment for the next morning just to make sure everything was OK. I was at work when I received the call and as I picked up the receiver, I knew something was terribly wrong. I could hear my wife in emotional turmoil trying to hold in the tears. She blurted out something that I couldn't make sense of, but it didn't matter, I knew that a miscarriage had occurred. As I tried to calm her down she let out "There's no more 'Future Fun'" and that remark will probably stay with me forever. She was torn, as was I. I called my family, remained calm and got through work as quickly as I could. When I got home, I held my wife and told her it would all be OK. However, the wall I put up for most of the day dissipated and the tears flowed. I had to let it out once and for all. Once I was done, it was time to move on. It took my wife a few days, but desperation turned to hope. That being said, I never knew I could miss someone I had never met.

Fortunately for us, we got another shot that fall. After seeing the first ultrasound, the child looked like a space alien, the kind that infiltrated The X-Files for nine seasons, so we appropriately nick-named the infant, "K-File". My only problem is that I was terrified to tell anyone. I was one-week away the previous time from telling everyone and I was super hesitant this time around so some of my friends didn't even know until I posted the first pictures on Facebook. The baby was due the first week in April and there was some discussion that they would induce her the last week of March. At the time, I was working an obscene amount of overtime at my job and on Friday the 13th, I came home, ate and worked for five hours. I went to bed after spending 55-hours that week on work and needed to unwind, so I took a Tylenol PM thinking it would knock out the headache and give me a much needed 8-hour rest. That was not to be when my wife shook me at 2:25am to inform me her water broke. I wasn't ready. I figured I had a few more weeks to get everything together, make a mix, etc. My wife was ready and we grabbed her overnight bag, I nabbed a handful of DVD's and my iPod and we were out the door where Bob Dylan's "Like a Rolling Stone" was on the radio. Needless to say, I was a bit out of it with taking the Tylenol PM but we soldiered on waiting for the new addition to our family. My wife was a rock star throughout all of it and all of the doctors and nurses at Lutheran General were A-grade. I never was able to tell them how wonderful they made us feel and since we were the only couple on the floor who didn't know the sex of our child, they were also taking bets and became incredible interested. After 19-hours of labor, the decision was made to do a C-section. I was told to bring music, so I took my iPod and made an "On-The-Go" playlist. It consisted of upbeat songs from our favorite artists, the Beatles, Keith Urban, Dixie Chicks, White Stripes and U2. As they began the procedure, I put my head next to Jenny's head and told her what a great job she was doing. I did everything I could to take her mind off the nerves. As "Original of the Species" came on the mix, the delivery doctor told me she had been listening to the just released No Line on the Horizon album on her drive to the hospital. That was a great sign. As we listened to Bono's voice sail above the swelling instruments, every lyric accentuated the experience. "Everywhere you go, you shout it/ You don't have to be shy about it". "Species" is sentimental without dipping into schmaltz and hits you square in the heart.

As Bono serenaded the delivery room, the song reached it's finale as he hushed "I want you some more, I want you some more�" and then we heard the cry that would forever change us. "It's a girl" and as Jenny and I processed it all, we both shed a few tears. The struggle to get there and all of a sudden it was a relief. They asked me to come over, but with Jenny on the table, I didn't want to leave, I told them we would see her for the first time together. They brought her over and there she was, with an indescribable look on her face that she still gives us to this day. By this point, "Yahweh" by U2 was blasting throughout the room. You are reminded of the pain and the harsh world realities we encounter daily, but all of this seems more tolerable when you are able to experience love like this. When Suzy Lee entered the world at 9:24pm, it helped define my existence. I've lived an incredibly blessed life, but it doesn't mean it's come without pain. But in that moment, I experienced a love and joy I never thought I would.

Sometimes that pain is necessary upfront, like labor or heartache. It makes us appreciate the good times that much more. We sit back and know how good we have it as a result and it crystallizes our psyche in ways nothing else can. As we sat there and held Suzy, I could feel so much anger, depression and pain from the past slip away. All the girls who broke my heart and professional setbacks�none of it mattered as I held this most perfect creature in my arms next to my beautiful life. I was blessed to find the perfect partner and being given the perfect daughter is something words can't express. Over the last two years, we've experienced our fair share of pain and setbacks, but through it all, when Suzy talks to us, walks and even laughs, all of those worries melt away. Whenever I hear "Original of the Species" I hold back the tears. It's more than the reminder of March 14, 2009, but a prompt that I want to give her everything and shelter her from the evil in this world, but I can't. She too is going to have to experience hardship and broken hearts to find her way through the world, but she won't be alone. The best I can do is the same thing U2 promised to their daughters, "you'll never be alone". I may never find my calling in life and I may also never write the great American novel, but being a father to Suzy will be all I ever need. With each passing day, I love her more. One day I'll play her "Original of the Species" and I'll tell her this story. I am sure she will roll her eyes and say something like "Please Dad�stop", but all I can do is make sure she knows how much we love her in the hopes she'll be fearless in sharing her love with others and attaining her dreams, because after all, she is the first and only one of her kind.