Blood Simple - A Cruel World By Joannie Foney

Blood Simple - A Cruel World 
Label: Reprise
Release Date: March 29, 2005
Rating: 

Will the trend of wearing socks of two different colors ever going to catch on as flaming hot fashion, the height of haute couture, or will such a fashion statement always be relegated to the eccentric, the lazy and the color blind? What about in the world of music, when an album consisting of two halves of a CD that don't match each other get released as one album?

I dunno much about fashion, but with the release of Bloodsimple's debut album, the result is strange indeed. Half of the album is superlative, catchy, anthematic thrash tunes for head bangers. Fortunately this is the first half. These opening tracks are happily, way too heavy to ever be heard on commercial radio, yet memorable enough that you might actually lament this fact & the resulting masses of unexposed, ignorant alt loving kids who will never hear of these guys though they might actually like them. The songs on the first half are so good, they keep this CD from being featured in the "Wholly Crap" series, and I promise you they are so good they make up for the rest of the dross on this release.

The second half of this CD is the worst drivel ever recorded. Nah, maybe it's not that bad, but after such a delectable thrash feast featuring one song after another of such meaty quality, such incredible promise, it is a gigantic depressing shock to listen to the last songs on this CD. Even Brittney Spears fans would enjoy tracks 6-9, and maybe Brit herself will even cover one of them in the future, if she ever decides to reinvent herself as a rockin' metalite grrrl.

For the first 4 songs you will actually find yourself tricked into thinking this latest crop is talented pack of metal heads, contributing many soon to be ripped off hooks by those less skilled at writing music. But sadly, the CD quickly degenerates from there. After such an excellent if deceptive intro to Bloodsimple, the second half of the CD featuring draggy, s-l-o-w, cheesy, slow, top 40 radio slow tunes that are quite slow and altogether different from the rest of the CD might convince you otherwise. Don't be fooled twice! Track 6, "The Leaving Song," is not just an obligatory power ballad, they don't get back with the program with the next tune "Running From Nothing". Part two of this CD could be the part of their album they call the "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here" project. What happened to these guys half way through their recording session? Did the neighbors complain about the noise? Did they run out of whatever chemical stimulants were fueling them? Were they tired of playing music that their potential fan base might like? Are they trying to get a gig playing at next year's Grammys? Are they confused about who they are trying to appeal to?

The songs that rock are way too short, the songs that resemble something corporate radio will embrace and slobber over are way too long, going on forever, making you fear they might never end. The irrational impulse you might have after accidentally letting these slip out of your sound system to dismantle your speakers and clean the cheese out of them, I can't recommend. All I can do is urge you to make sure your stereo is unplugged at the time to minimize the shock hazard, and remind you that doing so might violate your speakers' warranty. Having said that, I'll just say rubbing alcohol will probably work better than window cleaner.